ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
