Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I think my fart just growled at me.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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