Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
