she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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