Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
