Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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