is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
