why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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