toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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