Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
