There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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