He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
