Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
