I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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