dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
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