Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
