The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
