I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
