Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
