Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
