New low: just hacked my moms facebook
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
