Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize