Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
