I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
