I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
