just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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