you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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