just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
