just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
