No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
