i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
