dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
