Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
