can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
