New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I pour the whiskey from now on
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
