Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
