He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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