Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
it glows. i had to have it.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
