If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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