$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize