Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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