jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
