Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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