Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
