I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
