That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
