i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
