ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
