Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
What did we do last night that was yellow?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
