i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
