Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
