Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
