I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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