I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
