My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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