I'm gonna have a badass scar
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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