The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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