my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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