Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
