Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
your like the ambassador to my penis.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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