explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
