if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
