I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
