the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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