i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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