mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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