god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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