I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
