Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
