you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
