Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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