I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
