Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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