i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
