Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
