Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize