Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
either way he was missing a nipple.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
