I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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