.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
