you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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