Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
