if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize