Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
