I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
