so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
