Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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