I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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