Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
