1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
