i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
