I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize