just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
