the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
