...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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