did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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