I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I party with great urgency now.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
