would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
