Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
