FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
