Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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