im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
