so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
