She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
