now i know why i became what i already was.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize