Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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