While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
