if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
