Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
