He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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