I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize