my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I need water and some morals
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize